The Ghost

I saw him as I was walking into the supermarket.
It was one of those moments when you just stop. There you are with your mouth gaping open, feet glued to where they took their last step. He looked a bit older, like he had aged a good 5 years since I last saw him, which would make sense - since it had been 5 years since I last saw him.

But it wasn't him. He took his life two and a half years ago.

I probably freaked the guy out - standing there, gaping at him, looking as if I had seen a ghost. I would say he looked like J's brother, except J's brother was the opposite of J, and more resembled a circus freak in my opinion (with the creepy personality to go along with it).

I called a friend immediately. I felt like crying. She asked which J it looked like... and I immediately knew what she meant. He didn't have the big fro of curly hair J sported for a while, and he wasn't the J who was all coked out and decide to shave his head one night, leaving him looking like he was sick with some awful disease. He looked like the J we'd all love to remember.

I have thought about him a lot the last few weeks, which is why it was so heartstopping to "see" him. Especially to "see" the J we'd all like to remember, because that is not the J that remains in my memory.

I bore the brunt of his anger, frustration, resentment. To him I was "the devil". Since his death I have been haunted...not just by how he killed himself, or the terrible disease he suffered from, but by my memories of him. At his memorial, I cried because he had died to me a long time ago, and because I had so many unhappy memories surrounding him, that I couldn't remember the good.

What would I have done if it really was him walking out of the grocery store?

I would have given him a hug.

Instead - I went home and cried.

Best thing about Superbowl Sunday...

PUPPY BOWL...

Not beer...not chips, Dip, and BBQ...

PUPPY BOWL!!!

Ok readers...set your TIVO's and VCR's accordingly...because Sunday February 5th, is PUPPY BOWL II...bigger, better and longer than last year!! This time, the added bonus of the Bissell Kitty Halftime Show.

Animal Planet. 3pm start time...3 hour show runs continuously until 12am. (I must say I am a bit disappointed it isn't running ALL day...it was so nice to wake up to last year).

This link will take you to a 'sneak peak' of Puppy Bowl II:
http://animal.discovery.com/convergence/puppybowl/video_gallery/videogallery.html

This link will take you to all the other information on it...Puppy Players, Voting for MVP and the PuppyBowl Party Planning Guide:
http://animal.discovery.com/convergence/puppybowl/puppybowl.html

So Vote now... Check it out. It is the best show on TV...

Got Milk?

So I am back from 5 days of sitting in my sister's apartment, staring at my beautiful niece. I would says she slept 95% of the time...so it REALLY was that eventful. I left one time, to go to Starbucks on the other side of Brooklyn, since there isn't one in my sister's area. I am too busy to go into detail, but here is a pic as well as some random fun facts...

Days old (of Allie, my beautiful Niece): 15

Cutest Moment: when she figured out how to suck her thumb for the first time and realized that it was quite tasty (her hands are usually covered).

Biggest development in 5 days: She grew out of her original size diapers.

Doughnuts I consumed: 5 (ok 6 - Entenmanns plain doughnuts w/ the chocolate covered shell....mmmmmmm...That is the PRECISE reason I don't buy them...or the crumb cake)

Cigarettes consumed: ZERO (reason I consumed so many doughnuts)

Chosen song to sing to Allie: "Bushel & a Peck" from Guys and Dolls (which I found out is what my Aunt sang to me and my sister when we were babies)

To Clarify my point...

Ironically, I have just proved that I am a bit clueless and behind on this whole blog thing . I just tried to set up and edit my profile, and then somehow created a totally new blog, which I then tried to cancel, but apparently that isn't actually possible (to cancel an account, not the blog....I have NO idea how I actually started an entirely new account). Well finally, 38 minutes of work time, and 2 doublestuff oreo cookies later (ok...3) I am here creating a new POST - apparently that was the source of my problems.

OK - I have an item to bring into this abyss for a discussion today...not that anyone is actually READING this - but whatever...

1 - This face Transplant woman, and the fact that she is an idiot - and maybe they should have put here ASS SKIN on her face, rather than performing a surgery that brings up many moral and ethical debates as to when medical science has gone to far....at least if they used skin from her ASS you'd know RIGHT AWAY how frekin STUPID SHE IS....
Here is the story I am talking about - so that you perhaps understand my rage...http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10912182/
So this woman tried to kill herself and had her face ripped off by her dog when he was trying to wake her up. For 6 months (or longer???) she walks around w/ no nose, no lips, no chin, etc...They do this face transplant on her...its experimental...its an 'organ' transplant since skin is an organ. Now for the rest of her life she is going to be on antirejection medicine...she has a new chance at life...she can walk around w/o a mask, BLAH BLAH BLAH...Now when you have any facial surgery, maybe even all upper body surgeries, you are NOT TO SMOKE!!! It makes scarring worse, It effects the overall healing process.
This woman gets her new lips and what does she do....the FIRST THING mentioned isn't what she was happy she could eat...or do...ITS THAT SHE IS USING HER NEW LIPS TO SMOKE...LADY...its been like 6 months since you've been able to have any cigarettes...JUST QUIT!!!
ITs so sad really, that she is so ungrateful that she is risking this 2nd chance at life (well 3rd if you ask me, the 2nd chance was that she didn't die) that she has been given all for such a gross, expensive and unnecessary habit (addiction if you would like to say, but it had been so long since she smoked she was no longer physically addicted). It is such a huge accomplishment that this procedure was possible. It has the potential, if it remains successful, to help countless people either born with deformities or hurt in acts of violence or random accidents. It has sparked a heated debate as to identity, and whether this procedure is taking science too far. Her face could reject itself now and have to be re-removed all because she is an idiot.

And they say Americans are dumb...

What am I doing here...

Not at all a blogger or an internet dork by any sorts...I am good at finding random crap, news and funny s*%t all together on the internet. Alas, to comment on one of the sites I frequent for a good chuckle I was led here - to create my own blog. SO...When I have a moment to actually concentrate on this I'll actually set it up with a bunch of fun crap. All you're ever going to really get is some random links to funny stuff...baby pictures of my new niece, information about my band's upcoming shows/events and shameless plugs (check us out at www.myspace.com/conjob ), and perhaps a funny story - as I tend to be a funny person. So if you have bothered to read this far and are, in fact, as pathetic as me...well cheers!

Site of the day: http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/
Kudo's to the fug girls. I love them - they cheer me up immensely with their constant bitchiness...and today is a GEM - With the Crap that people wore to the Globes last night...They have made my week!

Song currently stuck in my head: "Friday I'm in Love", The Cure...Great song so I can't complain...Must have been the song I woke up to on the radio this morning or something...